Kudzu is green,
my dog’s name is Blue
And I’m so lucky
to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk
a-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue’s
And without all them fleas.

You move like the bass,
Which excite me in May.
You ain’t got no scales
But I luv you anyway.

You’re as graceful as okry
Jist a-dancin’ in the pan.
Yo’re as fragrant as SunDrop
Right out of the can.

You have all yore teeth,
For which I am proud;
I hold my head high
When we’re in a crowd.

On special occasions,
When you shave yore armpits,
Well, I’m in hawg heaven,
I’m plumb outta my wits.

Still them fellers at work
They all want to know,
What I did to deserve
Such a purty, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape
Yo’re there fer yore man,
To patch up life’s troubles
And stick ‘em in the can.

Yo’re as strong as a four-wheeler
Racin’ through the mud,
Yet fragile as that sanger
Named Naomi Judd.

Yo’re as cute as a junebug
A-buzzin’ overhead.
You ain’t mean like no fire ant
Upon which I oft’ tread.

Cut from the best pattern
Like a flannel shirt of plaid,
You sparked up my life
Like a Rattletrap shed.

When you hold me real tight
Like a padded gunrack,
My life is complete;
Ain’t nuttin’ I lack.

Yore complexion, it’s perfection,
Like the best vinyl sidin’.
Despite all the years,
Yore age, it keeps hidin’.

And when you get old
Like a ‘57 Chevy,
Won’t put you on blocks
And let grass grow up heavy.

Me ‘n’ you’s like a Moon Pie
With a RC cold drank,
We go together
Like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate
For Valentine’s Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
It’s romantic that way.

Some men git roses
On that special day
From the cooler at Kroger.
“That’s impressive,” I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds
From a flea market booth.
“Diamonds are forever,”
They explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey,
These will not do.
For you are too special,
You sweet thang you.

I got you a gift,
Without taste nor odor,
Better than diamonds
it’s a new trollin’ motor!

Happy Valentines Day

Tags: redneck love, redneck poem, Valentines Day

‘Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck…
How to live in a world that’s so politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to “Elves”.
“Vertically Challenged” they were calling themselves.

And labor conditions at the North Pole,
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear,
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops,
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called “Unenlightened.”

And to show you the strangeness of life’s ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose,
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.

So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she’d enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.

And as for the gifts, why, he’d ne’er had a notion,
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that’s warlike or non-pacific.
No candy or sweets…they were bad for the tooth.

Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological,
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football…someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you’ve got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might,
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere…even you.
So here is that gift, it’s price beyond worth…
“May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth.”

Tags: politically correct Christmas

Sure, things on the stock market and across the economy seem bleak as the government has promised to spend $7.6 trillion dollars to prevent a 1.144 quadrillion derivatives implosion. Remember, however, that America is the land of opportunity where enterprising minds are always developing new solutions to the problems we face.

It should be well noted that none of these enterprising minds seem to be working on Wall Street, which we might as well call Wal-Mart Street with the current price of stocks, nor are these innovative minds members of Congress. Consider the following playlist of videos, Money as Debt, which shows the error of fractional reserve economics.

“Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labor in freedom.”
- Albert Einstein

Read the rest of this entry »

Tags: alternate currencies, Barter Economy, gold standard, money as debt, survival preparedness, Surviving the Depression

For some months, I have been writing my thoughts on what has been happening around the world both politically and economically. Surely the motto for the past year must be, “If anything can go wrong, it will.”

The day before Thanksgiving, on November 26th, I warned FallenRepublic’s readers about the dangers of Credit Default Swaps. This, unfortunately, seems only to be the tip of the iceberg. There are many more items out there, with financial dollar amounts making the CDS catastrophe seem small as a mouse in a warehouse. For those who have not read my previous commentary on the dangerous nature of Credit Default Swaps, here is a most useful video explaining the problem and quantifying the CDS portion thereof.

Now, this is not the only problem. As I stated before, CDS were only the tip of the iceberg, tipping in at a whopping $50-60 trillion dollars. You normally would not look at $60,000,000,000,000.00 and find it to be a trivial figure, however; you have not yet seen how large the problem actually is. In the following article, I wish to describe the issues directly facing us financially which do explain Washington, D.C.’s haste to prevent bank failures.

Read the rest of this entry »

Tags: bailout, Bank failure, Credit Default Swap, Derivatives, Ecuador, emerging economy

Once again, I was browsing online, checking Drudgereport.com for the latest news when I saw a photo that looked very familiar. You see, the Russians are in Venezuela cozying up to Hugo Chavez, who I am convinced has a shoe size larger than his IQ. I started wondering who Russian President, Dmitry Medvedev reminded me of and then it hit me …

All of this also reminded me of an old story … Read the rest of this entry »

Tags: Dmitry Medvedev, his face rings a bell, Mr. Bean, Separated at Birth

If I remember correctly, it was Dwight D. Eisenhower who once said, “Things are more like they are today than they have ever been before.” That, in fact, is why I choose to write today.

Following some of the news stories and taking some recommendations from friends about what to write in recent days, I decided to explore the health of society itself. Such topics are not usual for me to share in writing, however; given these interesting times in which we live, the greatest wrong may be to say nothing at all.

Some of what I write today, I learned from unusual sources, such as my pets like Tiny (pictured here in a Hibiscus pot). There is something simple about an animal, a simplicity that we humans seem to lack, things like unconditional loyalty and love (although some debate whether an animal can love). Some reading this have never owned a pet, for those, this may seem disjointed and nostalgic, however, to the rest of us who can easily recognize such loyalties in the eyes, meows or barks of our pets as they greet us when we arrive. Read the rest of this entry »

Tags: brink of collapse, Society

What exactly is Thanksgiving? Historians tell us one of the first Thanksgiving feasts was held on December 4th, 1619 in the newly-established Virginia Colony as a celebration of the freshly reaped harvest. The average person today will tell you it is a day when Americans gather around the table for oven-roasted turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce and the traditional trimmings followed by long bouts of watching American football. The first idea, albeit functional, and the second idea, modernized toward the standard pomp and circumstance of a modern-day commercialized holiday in my own eyes fail to capture the meaning of Thanksgiving.
Read the rest of this entry »

Tags: Thanksgiving

As we all have seen in recent months, the world has become a cascading wave of financial market volatility with almost every stock market worldwide suffering sizable downward corrections in recent weeks. As these markets lose value, it tells us that investors are pulling their money out of the markets. Traditional trends tell us that most investors, when moving out of stocks move into bonds, therefore; on days when the stock market drops, bonds benefit as money from stocks is placed in bonds.

This is, of course, the traditional model, but there is a historical precedent when both stocks and bonds declined at the same time. That time was the Great Depression. As you watch and wonder what market downturns mean, also keep your eye on many things which can tell you what is coming next. Factors such as drops in stocks and bonds at the same time, which signal wealth being cashed in and removed from the markets, increases in CDS (not CD’s that banks offer, but Credit Default Swaps) which tell us the likelihood of bankruptcy of the issuer of the CDS.

Tags: CDS, Credit Default Swap, Iceland bankrupt, pyramid scheme

Bloomberg is reporting today that our government has now pledged $7,400,000,000,000.00 (7.4 Trillion) in bailouts to US and Foreign companies and banks. In such a move we have begun to destroy the free market by socializing the entire financial sector.

This means, every man, woman and child alive in the United States at this very moment owes $24,000 in bailout funds to Uncle Scam. $7.4 trillion dollars is roughly equal to one half of everything produced in the United States last year. One half of all energy, goods and services produced last year have been absorbed to bail out banks and other ailing businesses whose leadership has already proven their ability to run a business into the ground.

The next question becomes, “What if all this does not work?”

Should the bailouts fail, which history tells us they most likely will, our government will be in irreparably insurmountable debt, our populace will owe more than it is worth, and our markets will be in shambles with a rapidly inflating dollar within the next 2-5 years. One needs only to read the history of inflation during the Weimar Republic in 1920’s Germany in order to see the direction in which we are headed. Read the rest of this entry »

Tags: bailout, energy, energy cartel, oil, OPEC, South Ossetia